| 09 |
[Dec. 31st, 2009|02:59 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  indifferent | ] |
The calm before the storm...
Goodfuckingbye 09.
You sucked. |
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| bitter sweet. |
[Dec. 3rd, 2009|01:12 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sad | ] |
So its only been just about forever.
I almost forgot how to use this thing...
Anyways...
I'm sick of putting my life on hold and letting people hold me back. I want MY life back. I'm sick of people telling me what to do, what time to be home at, who I can hang out with, when and what I can eat, what time to go to sleep, getting yelled at for not answering my phone when I probably should have....
So. Its time for a change. Its probably going to be one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do in my life, but I cant keep doing this to myself. its been 2 in a half years that I gave myself to you, and I haven't got nearly as much as I deserve in return. I gave you my life, the whole thing... and I don't think you appreciate anything that I've done for you. Its like you haven't even realized how much I have given up for you. We fight about nothing at all just to talk sometimes I think. How fucking unhealthy is that? Your one of my best friends, I've grown accustomed to you being around which is why this is going to be so hard. You can make me laugh so easily but I feel like you make me cry more. It shouldn't be so hard for you to actually act like you give a shit about me. You wont even hug or kiss me, I have to ask you to...which is fucking ridiculous. All I've ever wanted from you is to love me, and for some reason, you cant. I'm sorry that I've hurt you in the past... but you cant keep holding it over my head forever. I cant keep being in relationship with someone who wont love me back the way I want to be loved. I deserve better than that. Everyone does. Even you.
I think it's long overdo, and I know you must feel the same way.
Life isn't going to be the same with out you around... but I'm sorry I have got to get out there and live. |
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| asdfghjkl; |
[Nov. 2nd, 2009|01:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blah | ] |
Free as a caged bird. |
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| meh meh meh |
[Feb. 21st, 2009|04:49 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  melancholy | ] |
Tomorrow is my 22nd Birthday.
I'm excited, and happy for it, yes...of course...
I just don't know what it is, but every year for my Birthday I feel, like... soo... ugh not depressed. I don't know, sad I suppose.
I know my friends and family love me, but I don't know, I just feel so disconnected form everyone sometimes.
Cheers to me, damn it. |
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| Red. |
[Dec. 16th, 2008|11:51 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | blah | ] |
Sometimes I'll get myself so worked about about shit that I don't know full details about.
And then I'll start assuming shit that usually is totally off. Or sometimes I'm right the fuck on. . .
I never know what to say anymore.
I'm linked to my past. I wish there was someway where I could just be free.
Sometimes I feel like a caged bird that is right next to the window.
If thats not a tease, then I don't know what the fuck is.
I do love my life though, I can't complain, really.
And Xmas is coming up and I'm pretty sure I'm getting some pretty bitchin' things.
And even if I don't, at least I'll have all of the seasons of That 70's show.
Thats pretty exciting.
I just got back from NYC.
It's pretty. And its pretty amazing.
I'd love to run wild in it with my crazy friends there.
...someday.
We were only there for 1 night and one day though, so it was verrrryyy rushed and very short.
We tried to squeeze in as much as we could. Deff have to go back there and really check it out.
AANNDDD get this,
while I was there, I didnt get to smoke at all.
It was the longest I went with out it in 2 years.
Crazy I know.
I cant wait til summer.
I need a cigg. |
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| rawr |
[Oct. 27th, 2008|12:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bored | ] |
Oh, Herro there.
Halloween is this weekend. I'm being Little Red Riding Hood.
It sure is going to be hard to top Alice though, but I think I'll have it covered.
Were going to Ians house for a shindig. And then Sat Rats is having their final closing/Halloween party. That will be fun, but I just don't know what I'm going to do every Friday now. hmmm.
My life is good right now, but for the life of me I cannot keep my room clean.
I miss this I think. I just never know what to say in this anymore. |
|
|
| Dear LJ, |
[Oct. 15th, 2008|10:41 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
Isn't it funny that something that pissed you off so long ago, can still to this day piss you off to this day.
I hate that shit.
I'm not sure if i miss this or not. |
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| If only. |
[Sep. 10th, 2008|02:18 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  thirsty | ] |
I wish Eric Foreman was an actual person.
Cause I am totally in love with him.
Hes pretty much prefect.
...well I mean. hes not JT... but man.... hes so adorable. |
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| hmmm... |
[Sep. 5th, 2008|09:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hot | ] |
It sure has been some time. |
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| lately. |
[Jul. 21st, 2008|11:03 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  good | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Catch22 - Motown Cinderella | ] |
I have been such a workoholic lately and its wearing the shit out of me. I have to work these insane shifts too, like the other day I worked from 6am to 7:30 at night! Like what the hell!? It sure does help my insomnia though... I can hardly make it past 3am anymore with out wanting to fall over. But...... I guess its ok, cause money is good. The only thing that blows about that is that I get paid every other week... so when the second Monday rolls around I'm broke as a mother. And that totally blows. I'm gonna have to start setting some to the side or something like that.
Money is so lame. Well, no.... but I just wish I had so much that I didn't know what to do with it all.
I need to find myself a rich stoner boy. Haha, or Justin Timberlake will do just fine. :]
Batman was so good. We went to the premier of it on Thursday night at 12:01. I've been waiting for that movie since the last one ended pretty much haha...Heath really did a fantastic job with the Joker. It's so sad that hes dead. damn drugs... At least hes going out as The Joker, rather than playing a gay man.
haha...
So a few days I ago I did shrooms again. They made me sick and about an hour after we took them I ended up puking. Thats ok though I didn't mind. Haha. It's not that like I was having a bad trip.... it's just like, I can't read anyones emotions when I trip, and I don't know what to do with myself. It's like I have so many thoughts racing though my head. I wish my brain could write them all down, cause they are fuckin nuts haha. But we went to Vans for a bit, and smoked in his room, and it was fucking crazy, the walls looked like the kept rippling. ahaha it was pretty awesome. After that we ended up watching That 70's Show[Which I have had a new found love for these past few months'] and Eric's face was doing all sorts of crazy shit. Pretty sweet man. Good times.
Anyways.
So this Thurs is Warped Tour at lame Darian Lake. I haven't gone in a few years, and I want to go this year cause I hand full of my favs are going.... BUTTTTT I don''t think I'm going to be able to go cause it's the same day as I leave for camping. Siiiighhh....
I really want to go. Say Anything is going to be there, and I would just LOOOOVVEEE to see Woe live. ugh I'd LOVE it sooo much. so so much. I really want to go to Warped man!.... Reel Big Fish is going too...and ugh, I just want to go.. haha.. I don't know... we'll see I suppose.
Allegheny is going to be such a blast. I'm going Thurs- Sunday. It's always such a good time... I can't wait!
ok I'm done with this now.
Time to go get my tan on in my new bathing suit wooo! |
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| !@#$%%^&* |
[Jul. 16th, 2008|07:07 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
i just don't know sometimes. |
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| finally |
[Jun. 19th, 2008|01:40 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  happy | ] |
And with that song from Fight Club blaring from the speakers...driving home in the rain, we hardly could see anything out the windows, I looked over at you, and you looked back at me.
I just got this all over sense about me that everything is going to be okay.
And I can't even put into words how great it felt. |
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| slant. |
[Jun. 6th, 2008|12:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | blah | ] |
No one seriously gets me.
and it's frustrating. |
|
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| blah blah blah. |
[Jun. 4th, 2008|01:28 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | blah | ] |
Why does bad karma always come back to get me??
I mean.... I think I'm am ok person.....right??
I mean, when I do "Bad" things I have the right intention, I guess I just go about it wrong.
I don't know, I don't want to get into this specific topic of what went wrong with me lately....
It's not good, and I just don't feel like talking about it anymore.
I'm so sorry, to the both of you....
Again, Tunis and I just need to get the fuck out of Derby, NY.
and fast.
In other news...
My jobs finally are starting up next week, thank God! I need some cash-flow so bad.
ANNNNNDDDDD I finally put the bug on the road yesterday!!!! ugh It''s so great.... well actually it has a number of things wrong with it.... like the driver side door wont shut, and the fan keeps running after you turn off the car... I mean I don't know shit about cars so I have so idea whats wrong with it really, thats only shit I know of... hopefully it can all be fixed though. My mom and I are going to get it inspected right after I finish this thing.
I feel like I never write in here anymore.
My life is just soooo repetitive that it's not even worth it.
I don't know, maybe I'll start again.... we'll see.
My mom and dad are both going away for the weekend..... which has NEVER happened ever!
So obvi I'm gonna have a big bash.... and for some reason if your reading this, well you can come if you'd like. It's gonna be bitchinnnnn!
Ok time to fix the bug. |
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| candy |
[May. 12th, 2008|01:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | aggravated | ] |
I'd really love to go on a vacation...but like a month long one.
Get the hell away from everyone for a while.
It's not that I'm sick of the people in my life [well a few], I just need something different lately.
It's like I'm not getting what I want out of my life anymore, like I'm stuck in this fucking rut.
I really just need some new boys, I think that would do it.
If I had some new boys and Tunis, I would be one happy camper.
sighhh. |
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| if only |
[May. 10th, 2008|12:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sad | ] |
I wish I could go back to the beginning and fix everything.. |
|
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| hmmphhhh |
[May. 6th, 2008|03:31 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sad | ] |
I'm fucking depressed and it sucks so much.
I hate it i hate it i hate it.
I don't know what to do about it either.
sucks. |
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| Dont know. |
[May. 6th, 2008|02:16 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  gloomy | ] |
I can't figure you out.
but until then...
this vid makes me pretty happy...
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|
| oh i wish... |
[May. 2nd, 2008|02:35 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  stoned | ] |
oh
i
wish
that one day Justin Timberlake will get his own Reality bachelor-thing show,
and I'm gonna be on it, and even though I don't think people fall in love on TV...
I would fucking ....kill all the other bitches. That man is fuckin' mine.
Hahaha.
Aw, I kid.
No, but really...
..maybe.
God. I love him.
Hes perfect.
ssiiiggghhh.
ahhh. |
|
|
| shit |
[Apr. 30th, 2008|02:20 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | aggravated | ] |
FUCKKKKKKKKKKK!
What do you do when you feel like your life is out of control,
and you haven't the slightest clue how to pull yourself together again?
Fuck man.
If you know, please fill me in.
BLAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
fuckme.
fuckmylife. |
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